FILE 004 Regarding the Temporary Protective Custody of TwoUnidentified Rabbit Children
Recovered from the records of the Department of Emergency Wildlife
Affairs. Several pages display unusually muddy paw prints. The
Society has determined these constitute official field notes.
The matter began...
with rain.
Not ordinary rain.
The sort of rain that arrives with opinions.
The sort that persuades flowerbeds to become ponds...
and pathways to reconsider their profession.
By morning...
the storm had passed.
Chief Security Officer Cooper immediately commenced his
customary perimeter inspection.
The inspection had not been requested.
It rarely was.
Several minutes later...
Cooper returned at remarkable speed.
Witnesses reported that he appeared deeply concerned.
Other witnesses observed that Cooper generally appeared
deeply concerned before inspections began.
The findings were therefore considered inconclusive.
Even so...
an emergency meeting was convened.
Chief Security Officer Cooper delivered the following report.
"There are babies."
Chairman Mortimer looked up.
"Babies?"
"In the yard."
A pause.
"Very small babies."
The Society agreed this warranted investigation.
A search of the grounds revealed two rabbit children nestled
among the damp grass.
They were astonishingly small.
Their ears had not yet decided how large they intended to
become.
Their eyes remained closed.
Neither displayed the slightest interest in Society
proceedings.
The Society...
became very interested in theirs.
Chief Correspondence Officer Sir Winston the Golden Pup,
M.G.B.S., conducted an official assessment.
After several thoughtful moments...
he announced,
"They appear to be rabbits."
Huebert looked at him.
"How did you determine that?"
Without hesitation...
Winston reached beneath his collar.
Mortimer sighed.
"The Card again?"
"The Card contains qualifications."
"It contains lamination."
"It also contains qualifications."
No member pursued the matter further.
Evidence suggested the Rabbit Children had been displaced
during the storm.
No burrow could be located.
No mother appeared.
No rabbit representative arrived to complete the
appropriate residency paperwork.
Huebert reviewed the regulations.
"We appear..."
he observed,
"...to have no procedures for emergency rabbit situations."
Several members immediately proposed forming a
committee.
Fortunately...
The Human intervened before paperwork could.
Acting under emergency authority granted by Common
Sense...
The Human carefully gathered the Rabbit Children.
Chief Security Officer Cooper supervised from an extremely
enthusiastic distance.
Several reminders regarding personal space were issued.
None produced lasting results.
The Rabbit Children remained under temporary Human
protection.
Official observations included:
• Sleeping.
• Gentle wiggling.
• Continued resemblance to unusually fluffy baked
potatoes.
No additional activities were documented.
Several days later...
The Human entrusted the Rabbit Children to another
Human possessing advanced qualifications in Critter Affairs.
Society records identify this individual only as...
The Critter Whisperer.
Chief Security Officer Cooper attempted to include several
toys.
The proposal was respectfully declined.
The transfer proceeded without incident.
The Society waited.
No further reports arrived.
The Rabbit Children did not return.
No forwarding address was provided.
No correspondence was received.
Chief Security Officer Cooper submitted three formal
requests for status updates.
All remained unanswered.
The matter grew unexpectedly quiet.
Finally...
Chief Correspondence Officer Winston closed his folder.
"Not every resident remains."
No one replied.
Even Cooper.
After some time...
Chairman Mortimer was asked whether the official record
required amendment.
He looked across the garden.
Toward the place where the Rabbit Children had first been
discovered.
Then quietly said,
"The purpose of a garden..."
"...is not to keep things."
"It is to give them a place to be."
No amendment was proposed.
Appendix A
Chief Security Officer Cooper maintains that the Rabbit
Children were,
"Perfect."
The Society has determined this is not a scientific
classification.
It has nevertheless been entered into the record.