File 007: The Curious Case of the Yellow Orb
Filed By:
Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire
Chief Amphibian Affairs Officer
Classification
Unidentified Object
Canine Involvement Confirmed
Status
Investigation Ongoing
Object Remains in Custody
Summary
At approximately sunset, Chief Security Officer Cooper approached Society Headquarters carrying an unidentified yellow sphere.
The object was deposited without explanation.
No further statement was provided.
Incident Report
Chairman Mortimer was conducting a routine inspection of Robbie, Society Groundskeeper and Municipal Maintenance Officer, when Chief Security Officer Cooper arrived carrying what appeared to be a large yellow orb.
Security footage confirms the Chief approached calmly.
There was no barking.
No signs of distress.
No evidence of pursuit.
The object was placed carefully beside Society Headquarters.
Chief Security Officer Cooper then departed the scene.
Without comment.
Chairman Mortimer observed the object.
He observed Chief Security Officer Cooper.
He observed the object once more.
He elected not to touch it.
This decision remains under review.
Huebert arrived several minutes later.
"What is it?"
"No one knows."
"Have you licked it?"
"I am the Chairman."
"...so that's a no?"
"...that is a no."
Several theories have since been proposed.
A ceremonial offering.
A warning from neighboring districts.
An unusually round fruit.
A moon that became lost.
Chief Correspondence Officer Winston suggested it belonged to Cooper.
His report was considered credible.
Robbie continued mowing throughout the investigation.
This was generally regarded as the correct professional response.
After additional review, Chief Security Officer Cooper returned and retrieved the object.
No explanation was offered.
The Society concluded that whatever inspection had been required had apparently been completed to the Chief's satisfaction.
Official Findings
No threat to the garden was identified.
The yellow orb has been removed from Society property.
The purpose of the inspection remains unknown.
Chairman Mortimer maintains that further questioning of Chief Security Officer Cooper is unlikely to produce meaningful results.
Chief Security Officer Cooper maintains that everyone threw the ball incorrectly.
Signed,
Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire
Chief Amphibian Affairs Officer
Definitely a Frog
Appendix A
Evidence Log
Evidence Item 5-A
One (1) yellow spherical object.
Condition: Slightly slobbery.
Ownership: Presumed canine.
Disposition: Reclaimed by Chief Security Officer Cooper before formal examination could be completed.