FILE 007 The Curious Case of the Yellow Orb
Filed By: Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire, Chief Amphibian
Affairs Officer
Classification :Unidentified Object
Canine Involvement: Confirmed
Status: Investigation Ongoing
Object Remains in Custody
Summary
At approximately sunset, Chief Security Officer Cooper
approached Society Headquarters carrying an unidentified yellow sphere.
The object was deposited without explanation.
No further statement was provided.
Incident Report
Chairman Mortimer was conducting a routine inspection of
Robbie, Society Groundskeeper and Municipal
Maintenance Officer, when Chief Security Officer Cooper
arrived carrying what appeared to be a large yellow orb.
Security footage confirms the Chief approached calmly.
There was no barking.
No signs of distress.
No evidence of pursuit.
The object was placed carefully beside Society
Headquarters.
Chief Security Officer Cooper then departed the scene.
Without comment.
Chairman Mortimer observed the object.
He observed Chief Security Officer Cooper.
He observed the object once more.
He elected not to touch it.
This decision remains under review.
Huebert arrived several minutes later.
"What is it?"
"No one knows."
"Have you licked it?"
"I am the Chairman."
"...so that's a no?"
"...that is a no."
Several theories have since been proposed.
• A ceremonial offering.
• A warning from neighboring districts.
• An unusually round fruit.
• A moon that became lost.
Chief Correspondence Officer Winston suggested it belonged to Cooper.
His report was considered credible.
Robbie continued mowing throughout the investigation.
This was generally regarded as the correct professional response.
After additional review, Chief Security Officer Cooper
returned and retrieved the object.
No explanation was offered.
The Society concluded that whatever inspection had been
required had apparently been completed to the Chief's
satisfaction.
Official Findings
No threat to the garden was identified.
The yellow orb has been removed from Society property.
The purpose of the inspection remains unknown.
Chairman Mortimer maintains that further questioning of
Chief Security Officer Cooper is unlikely to produce meaningful results.
Chief Security Officer Cooper maintains that everyone
threw the ball incorrectly.
Signed,
Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire
Chief Amphibian Affairs Officer