FILE 027 Robbie’s Midnight Patrol
Filed By: Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire, Chairman
Classification: Routine Grounds Patrol
Wildlife Interference: Expected
Status: Patrols Authorized
Results Pending
Summary
With recent concerns regarding unauthorized excavation,
the Society has approved nightly patrols by Robbie, Society
Groundskeeper & Municipal Maintenance Officer.
Chairman Mortimer is cautiously optimistic.
Incident Report
When the house grows quiet and the porch lights begin to glow, Robbie begins his rounds.
Officially, his duties include lawn maintenance.
Unofficially...
Everyone knows he is watching for Montgomery.
Montgomery has developed a reputation for appearing precisely where he should not.
Flower beds.
Garden paths.
Freshly mowed grass.
If there is an inconvenient location available, Montgomery
has already selected it.
Huebert believes this behavior is accidental.
Chairman Mortimer disagrees.
"I think he enjoys being in the way."
Huebert considered this.
“You really think so?"
"I have observed him."
"...fair."
Behavioral analysis suggests Montgomery is approximately ninety-seven percent armadillo.
The remaining three percent appears to be honey badger.
No recognized scientific organization supports this conclusion.
No one present objected.
Robbie has never filed a complaint.
When an obstacle appears, he simply pauses...
Recalculates...
And patiently finds another way around.
Chairman Mortimer has described this as "remarkably professional."
Each evening before patrol begins, Chief Security Officer
Cooper performs a thorough visual inspection of Robbie.
The inspection appears to consist primarily of walking alongside him and making sure everything looks important.
Chief Correspondence Officer Winston observes from the porch.
Neither officer has submitted written documentation.
Their oversight is nevertheless appreciated.
The Society remains hopeful that Robbie's regular patrols will discourage further unauthorized digging.
Chairman Mortimer has expressed confidence in Robbie's abilities.
He has expressed considerably less confidence in
Montgomery's willingness to cooperate.
Official Findings
Robbie continues to perform his duties with patience and professionalism.
Montgomery continues to be Montgomery.
The Society recommends that both parties proceed as they always have.
One with quiet determination.
The other with complete disregard for traffic etiquette.
Signed,
Chairman Mortimer the Magnificent, Esquire
Definitely a Frog
Appendix A
Night Patrol Checklist
✓ Battery charged
✓ Blades operational
✓ Chief Security Officer approval received
✓ Chief Correspondence Officer observing
✗ Montgomery cooperating